(I gave you my heart, I gave you my soul, now I’m just another number at the centre for disease control.)
DAVE: Alright brahs, here’s the lowdown.
PETER: Hey, hippy, ‘aint the captain supposed to be doing this shit?
DAVE: As Science Officer I also happen to be second-in-command, and the Captain isn’t feeling too well, ya dig? So simmer down and let me do some talking.
PETER (mumbling): I’m surrounded by fuckin’ kids tellin’ me what the fuck to do…
DAVE: As some of you dudes may know, we’re headed into an area that can only be described as giving some baaad vibes. Some of the shit you’re gonna see here will make you swear you’ve been smokin’ grass.
SCOTT: Like, uh, space giraffes?
DAVE: Space giraffes are one the friendliest creatures known to man, dude! Nah, I’m talkin’ fuckin’ space penguins.
SCOTT: Space puh- what?
KAEDE: Don’t you know anything about space, Scott?
SCOTT: Well clearly years of science fiction have failed me!
DAVE: Space penguins are one of the most highly dangerous creatures in the universe. Not only are they deadly smart, but they’re ferocious, and fight to the end.
SCOTT: And we’re worried about aliens?
PETER: We made the fuckin’ penguins, kid. Scientists dickin’ around with shit they shouldn’t fuck with. Tryna make penguins that could form an army, yeah?
KAEDE: They’re the ultimate weapon; cute, but deadly.
DAVE: They liberated themselves, and liberated the government of some space ships. Took of into the great black and never came back.
SCOTT: Well, you know what they say…
DAVE: Anyway, we’re expected to hit a bunch of ’em through here. It’s gonna get like Hawaii in a thunderstorm out there man, so keep your wits aboutcha. Now everyone get out there.
-END OF SCENE-